To Have and Not to Hold
by Makoto Sagara
Summary: Complete! MirokuSango pairing. A late night campfire lead Miroku and Sango to sit and think for a while over the one that heshe really cares for.


To Have and Not to Hold 

This is my second attempt at a song fic, first one using Madonna. Please, you know the deal. I don't own, so don't sue. I have no money… I am a poor little college girl who lives at home still. The song is "To Have And Not To Hold" by Madonna, off her Ray of Light CD. The characters in this fic are Miroku and Sango from Inu Yasha. 

To Have and Not to Hold…

By Makoto Sagara 

Miroku looked at Sango through the firelight. 'Ghodz, she is beautiful.' That was all he could think of as she and Kagome chatted about what had happened that day in the forest with Kikyou and Inu Yasha. 'She makes my heart race, and yet I won't do anything to her…' He solemnly looked down at his cursed hand. 'She would never want a lecherous bozu like me. She thinks I am not worthy of even the level of respect I have. Why would she ever love me?' 

_*To have and not to hold  
So hot, yet so cold  
My heart is in your hand  
And yet you never stand  
Close enough for me to have my way*_

Sango chatted automatically with the only friend she had ever had. Kagome and Inu Yasha had had another fight, and fortunately Sango had persuaded her no to leave to the well. As Kagome told her what occurred, Sango thought about how she would feel if the guy she loved was still in love with his dead girlfriend. 

'I would be upset and deeply saddened. But that will never be me. The one I love is not fit to be with me. He is out of my range and touch.' She slightly moved her head to look at Miroku through the fire. 'Yes. Definitely out of my reach. I would fall in love with a man of Buddha, neh Chichiue?' A single tear slipped down the youkai taijiya's face. 'It will never be. It mustn't.' 

_*To love but not to keep  
To laugh, not to weep  
Your eyes, they go right through  
And yet you never do  
Anything to make me want to stay*_

Miroku felt someone's eyes on him, and looked up to see the owner of those eyes was Sango. She had a far away, but cynical look on her beautiful face. A single tear shone in the light off her visage. 'She's crying? But why?' The single tear tugged at his lonely heart more than anything else could have. 'Why would she cry? She didn't even shed a tear when she was grieving for her family. What is wrong?' These thoughts raced through his mind at lightning speed. 

He started to get up from his spot, but then hesitated. 'No, surely Kagome-sama will see her crying and get to the bottom of it. If I did anything, then she would be upset and probably smack me. I don't want that to happen.' Instead he got up and turned to walk towards the river not faraway. 

_*Like a moth to a flame  
Only I am to blame  
Ba ba da ba ba ba  
What can I do?  
Ba ba da ba ba ba  
I go straight to you  
Ba ba da ba ba ba  
I've been told  
You're to have, not to hold*_

Sango's head snapped up as she watched the houshi walk from the camp. "Houshi-sama, daijoubu?" She tried to hide the hint of panic that had risen in her voice. She couldn't let his violet eyes steal her breath away again. She had the habit of yelling and then looking into his beautiful eyes, only to forget entirely what she was going to say. 

Miroku's heart stopped at the sound of her voice. 'What will I say to her now? If I say that I am going for a walk, she will ask where and why? I do not want to tell her that. She must never know how I feel. It is too much for her.' 

_*To look but not to see  
To kiss but never be  
The object of your desire  
I'm walking on a wire  
And there's no one at all  
To break my fall*_

He turned to face the two girls and put on his little mischievous mask. "Sango-sama, I am going to inspect the area again. No, do not get up. I do not want to bother you ladies while you are talking. I will return shortly." He then started walking off, quickly, as so to distance himself from the object of his heart. 

_*Like a moth to a flame  
Only I am to blame  
Ba ba da ba ba ba  
What can I do?  
Ba ba da ba ba ba  
I go straight to you  
Ba ba da ba ba ba  
I've been told  
You're to have, not to hold*_

Sango almost started to follow the lonely houshi. "Kagome, I think I should go help Miroku-sama. If he finds a pretty girl, we will all be in trouble." 

Kagome grabbed the other girl's arm. "Iie. I think he wants to be alone. Let's give him some time to himself. I think he needs it. Why don't you go and see if Inu Yasha is done looking for food. What a time for me to lose my bag, neh?" She said the last bit with a wry, sarcastic smile. "Besides we are in the middle of a forest. No need to worry about him, Sango. He is a big boy, no matter what he acts like." 

Sango looked down at her yukata. "You are right, Kagome-chan. I will come back him in a little while." She looked at the little kitsune sitting by the fire. "Take care of her, Shippou." 

_*You're to have, not to hold  
You're to have, not to hold*_

Miroku wandered to the river, and stared at the serene and glassy surface. "So much alike we are deceiving river. Serene surfaces and tumultuous underneath it all. Yes I can play the lecherous bozu, but whenever I see her, I lose everything I have ever thought. I only want to make her happy, but..." 

'But what priest? You love her don't you? Give it up. If she asked you to do anything you would jump. You are in love. Why not tell her?' The little voice in his head had an awful way of making think things like that. 

"She would never accept my offer as being real. She would just think it as a ploy to get her alone. And although I wouldn't mind being alone with her, I want her to love me and be mine first. Before anything happens." 

'Afraid to die alone, are we?' 

"Isn't everyone?" 

"Houshi-sama, you there?" Sango's voice rang through the trees and broke through his thoughts. "Who are you talking to? 'Isn't everyone' what?" 

_*Like a moth to a flame  
Only I am to blame  
Ba ba da ba ba ba  
What can I do?  
Ba ba da ba ba ba  
I go straight to you  
Ba ba da ba ba ba  
I've been told  
You're to have, not to hold*_

Miroku's heart stopped for the third time that night. The sight of the one he couldn't get over under the moonlight was too much for him. He had to tell his heart to start again, and it still took a minute for his mouth to be able to work properly. 

"Sango-sama, why are you not with Kagome-sama? Is she alone?" 

"No, she is with Shippou and Inu Yasha. He returned to camp just as I was about to go find him, so he asked me to find you. He has news and food to share." She turned before she became entrance by his eyes once more. Even in the moonlight behind him, they had a life of their own and wanted to steal her heart away. "Are you coming, Houshi-sama?" 

"Hai." 'She must never know.' 

_*You're to have, not to hold  
You're to have, not to hold  
You're to have, not to hold  
To break my heart*_

'He must never know that I love him. It would only end in pain.' That was the last thought that past either of their minds as they walked together back to the campsite. 

**The End.**


End file.
